Hello
My name is Jess Walla
And I have dealt with my fair share of anxiety.
Here's Why You Should Read This
When I say I've dealt with anxiety, I mean I HAVE DEALT WITH ANXIETY. Un-relenting, terrifying, unsettling anxiety. The kind that isn't necessarily normal and is caused by external factors, but also internally by ways of thinking. ​
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But, I'm a Christian. Shouldn't I be able to just trust Jesus and should never be anxious? Well, the answer is no. I'm a Christian, but I'm still a human. I'm not perfect. I battle fleshly desires. I run to Jesus for help, and he will always help me. But there was also something very wrong physically that brought me into that state.
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My first bout of paralyzing anxiety happened 6 weeks post partum for me. We had just suffered a terrible stomach-bug (likely norovirus), and since I had recently given birth without medication aka, stress on the body, and also had antibiotics during childbirth due to being Strep-B positive, My gut was WRECKED. Nothing in my system was strong enough to fight off the mental illness that was coming. I was only minor-league into holistic living at the time, so my main resource was an SSRI. I took zoloft for a couple of months and it brought me out of my anxiety.
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The second time it happened, I had been experiencing neurological symptoms for a few months and was scheduled for an MRI of my brain because all other tests resulted with no answers, but something was seriously wrong. The inescapable fear of dying and brain dysfunction brought me back into an anxious state. My dr found lesions on my brain stem (YIKES!) and we started questioning MS. Would this happen again? What did this mean for me and my family? Should I take an immune-suppressant drug when COVID was rearing its ugly head?? Well, I had to get an insanely high dose of IV steroids, 5 days in a row, to combat the inflammation in my brain. If you don't know, steroids are known to increase insomnia and....you guess it, anxiety. Well, mine was TERRIBLE. You guys, I can't even explain how bad it was. I thought the first time was bad, but this time it was worse. What brought me out of it this time, again was zoloft. I was able to come off of it within a few months with no complications.
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The THIRD time I faced paralyzing anxiety, was more recently. Panic attacks started on September 19, 2023 and I can't say I felt true relief until the first week of January 2024. This time, it didn't feel like there was a reason in my life to be anxious. Things felts like they were going well. But the enemy took ahold of me and made me fear for my life. I felt dissociation and would have panic attacks simply looking in the mirror. Thoughts CONSTANTLY crossed my mind that were only from the devil. Anxious thoughts. Thoughts questioning my existence. Thoughts questioning my family, my life. Thoughts that were literally the opposite of what God tells us and his promises to us. It felt like a constant spiritual attack, which I now know could simply be the panic attacks. This time, having disliked the symptoms I experienced previuosly on zoloft, we tried to find another SSRI that helped. I gave Prozac FIVE full weeks to help me, and it literally felt like it helped maybe 1%. Plus, with prozac, as your body is getting used to it, you have a good day, followed by a bad day, for 2-3 weeks, they say. However this lasted the entire 5 weeks for me. It was awful. I switched to Zoloft because I knew it worked and I didn't want to mess around with trying anything else.
Interestingly, the Zoloft hasn't relieved 100% of my anxiety this time, like it did the previous 2 times. I'm still trying to figure this out. BUT, the BIGGEST revelation that has been discovered through this process was that I have glucose dysregulation, largely due to my eating habits, (which didn't "seem" unhealthy or wrong). They were literally the same as everyone I knew, or so I thought. It took me deep diving into research to learn that constant blood sugar spikes can induce the anxiety I had been feeling. And even further research uncovered the fact that balancing your blood sugar does not IMMEDIATELY resolve anxiety. According to my medical team, it may take months for me to feel the benefits of balancing my glucose. So, I'm in it for the long-haul. And I fully intend to report back with updates. Today is January 24, 2024. Hold me accountable.
Here's What's Helped Me
Before I share, I need to mention that I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice. This is what has worked for me and my experience, and I hope it helps point you in helpful directions for finding health.
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First off, I hope perhaps Dr. Google has brought you here. Second off, stay away from Dr. Google lol. It literally just creates more stress. Have your spouse or a loved one do the googling for you. Trust me!
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LEARN ABOUT BLOOD SUGAR REGULATION
You may be shocked to learn what spikes your blood sugar. Most people won't be fortunate to have insurance cover a CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor) like I ended up getting, but do some research and you may find one with a relatively affordable monthly payment because they are becoming more popular. If you don't find one, here are some easy things to implement into your routine. And by "easy", I mean you can actually do this without thinking. Most "diets" are not sustainable. And a lot of lifestyle changes don't last. But these are steps that are no-brainers, seriously. Plus the more you do them, the more you WANT to do them
1) Never eat sugar or carbs outside of mealtime, or without protein
-Always eat your carbs and any sugars at the end of a meal, where you've eaten some veggies, your proteins, and your fats first
2) Eat your veggies 1st in a meal
-Always have veggies with your meals. This step has encouraged me to add more veggies, even if it's grabbing a raw veggie from the fridge and munching on it before a meal
3) Move for 15 min after a meal. I personally either walk on my under desk treadmill or go outside, if my 4 year old will join
-This can also be dancing in the kitchen as you put dishes away. Just do it for 15 min and MOVE
4) If you can stomach it, have 1 TBS of any type of vinegar before every meal. The acetic acid will stabalize your blood sugar in incredible ways.
-I couldn't stomach this on an empty stomach. My dietician recommended I take a few bites of food first and then have my vinegar
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Overall, being mindful of if food will spike your blood sugar is super easy and helpful.
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Here's how I keep my blood sugar stable with coffee.
-Only have after having eaten
-Add Butter. This always balanced my blood sugar when I was using the CGM
-Add collagen peptides
-Add milk. I prefer half n half but if you like non-dairy, that works too
-You can add protein powder, if you like that mixed with coffee. I don't, but I know of others who do like it.
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CASTOR OIL PACKS
Castor oil packs help fight inflammation, help your skin, help balance your hormones, help your liver and body detox, help scar tissue disappear, and so much more. While I was in the height of anxiety, I used a castor oil pack. One month. In that one month, my appetite was greatly suppressed, and I lost nearly 20lbs. Yikes! (Even though this sounds amazing, that's too fast). I think the castor oil pack truly helped my body process all that was happening, because I don't have any loose skin or stretch marks or any signs that I lost weight too quickly.
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TESTS
Because I was determined to find answers, and was trying to avoid having to take Zoloft/an SSRI again, I did exstensive testing. Perhaps too much. But here's what I did:
Hair Mineral Analysis (HTMA)
Gut Health Test (via Viome)
Blood tests:
-Estrone & Estradiol (Estrogen)
-Full iron
-Full thyroid panel
-Vitamin D
-B Vitamins
-DHEA
-Cortisol (ask for saliva test too)
-Fasting glucose
_Fasting insulin
-Magnesium
-Ghrelin
-CBC
-Leptin
-Zinc
-Copper
A1C
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I would like to note an important point about the Viome gut health test, one that my dietician greatly stressed. Don't use this test to take things out of your diet, but instead use it to see how to benefit your system. They recommend foods to include that would be "superfoods" for your specific body. Focus on those. You have too much going on to be restrictive with your food and that stress alone can give you more health symptoms.
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SCRIPTURE
In the height of my anxiety, before I had the help of the SSRI, I felt helpless. But, I knew God was in control and that he would save me. And that he tells me more about that in his word. So I dove deep into his word. I've actually put all of the scripture that has helped me here on my website.
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GET A SECOND OPINION
Or a third or a fourth if you need to. IT SAVED MY LIFE DOING THIS. Trust your gut and your instinct if you feel there is more to it. I went from a doctor who was determined to diagnose me with MS and get me on the very expensive most immune-suppressant drug immediately, to an open-minded doctor who was more focused on science than on money and who told me she didn't think it was MS and that I definitely shouldn't be on the most immune-suppresant drug. She also brought my case to a board of 6 other neurologists to seek answers. SHE CHANGED MY LIFE. She pushed me to seek answers and is a huge reason why I sought out my incredible naturopath, who made revolutionary discoveries about my health.
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DON'T GET TOO DISTRACTED
While parasites plague our immune insufficient bodies, as do viruses and bacteria, don't get too side tracked trying to fight those that you cause yourself to be miserable. It's easly doable, especially with all of the detox processes out there. While I highly recommend working with your doctor to address detox needs, I want to also encourage you that your body has natural detox processes, and by supporting those you can support your system. Simple things like drinking lemon water, castor oil packs, hot baths, and saunas can help your system and should never be discounted.
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DO NOT FOLLOW MEDICAL MEDIUM
I was hung up on the practices of medical medium for years, and they never felt like they helped me. I always thought "I must be doing it wrong" or "I'm just not doing it consistently enough". You guys. "Medium" is referring to a DEMON. He speaks of a spirit that tells him things that we should do. He DOES NOT worship God. The enemy is seeking to lie and destroy here and misguide you. DO NOT FOLLOW ANYTHING MEDICAL MEDIUM.
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This may sound extreme, but when a friend pointed this out to me, I literally took every book and supplement that I had purchased because of medical medium, put it in a trash bag, drove it down the street, and threw it away in a dumpster. I was going to have NO MORE of that crap. And you shouldn't either.
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One thing it did teach me though, is to pray for discernment. And that I didn't know my Bible as much as I wanted to. So I've been reading it more and let's call it a blessing in disguise, ha!
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PRIORITIZE SLEEP
Focus on improving your sleep, even if you already work on improving your sleep. There is always more you can do, and would benefit from, because sleep is SO important for any sort of recovery or healing. Here are some items that have had a dramatic, positive affect on my sleep:
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